just a ramble....

So, I normally try not to publicly rant but today im in one of those moods. It seems like everytime I try to focus on something other than getting pregnant a baby boom happens. Dont get me wrong I love kids and believe every couple deserves one...it's just why not me?! It absolutly kills me when i find out someone else is pregnant. Its hard to force a smile and say congrats when inside im dying. I know i'm young..trust me everyone reminds me of that but it doesn't make the hurt or the want any less. I'm trying hard to be patient and to learn to trust Gods plan for me life but it's hard. Especially when I work at a daycare...I see how some parents treat their kids...I spend 8 hours with these little angels...I get to see their progress, I see how wonderful and chaotic these kids can be and I LOVE every moment. I just hate when I leave them...I would love to take everyone of them home with me. I also HATE when people say they don't want to be pregnant. I would give ANYTHING for that! It kills me that someone would complain about being blessed with such an amazing gift! Im sure anyone else who is "pregnancy challenged" would agree with me on that. I just dont get why God would bless someone who doesn't want or doesn't have the means to support a baby, something so amazing when there are people like me and Johnny that can support and love a child. But who am I to question the man upstairs right?